Trader Joe's Sriracha Sauce - The Verdict

I must admit, I kind of prematurely ejaculated regarding my verdict on the Trader Joe's version of Sriracha sauce. However, I am female, and have not physically ejaculated, of course, there are some gals that apparently do, and that honestly just seems like a big ol' pain the ass. One party's few teaspoons or whatever is kind of enough, and I don't like changing my sheets every other day...oh, wait. I learned the exact amount! It's 10CC! The average liquid amount of semen that is ejaculated during a male orgasm, that is. I learned that fairly recently. By the way, 10CC is a totally wonderful, wonderful band. I just started getting into them.

Am I getting off track? Silly goose!

Anyhow, I am a ginormous Trader Joe's fan, have been for years, and as they continue evolving and developing new products, each added excuse to NOT have to go to the "BIG M" (BIG MARKET, MAAAAN! LIKE BIG PHARMA. THEY'RE ALL IN FOR IT FOR THE MONEY, MANNNNNN. NOW WE GOT MONSATO AND GMO'S ALL UP IN OUR ASSES, MANNNNN. AND WE'RE GONNA DIE, MANNNNN!") for specific things is A-OK in my book.

The first time I tried their version of The Sauce o' Cock, I must admit it was late in the evening, I had a bit of a red wine buzz going on, and I dumped it into tomato soup. From what I could discern, it tasted just like the original thing.

That dream all came crashing down on my today as I tried it for the second time on my uber-asshole-hippie-vegetarian lunch of tofu and lightly cooked vegetables. And you know what, man? It's sweeter. It's like...Worcestershire-esque. Mmph. I mean, it's edible and sort of enjoyable, but you really find yourself wishing you had the spicier, just...better...real thing. The Real Cock. The Cock rules.

Yes, I know The Cock has preservatives in it. I'll continue taking that risk as I smoke 3 packs a day and make a habit of doing shoulder rolls into very breakable glass houses.

I love first world problems. I'm sure you see me as stupid and weak. That's ok. I see you all as poop kaleidoscopes.

xoxo